I'M SO TIRED!
Stop looking at me. Stop it. It displeases me.
Ugh. I completely destroyed my sleeping pattern over the last two weeks and now I am most definitely paying the price. I know it will take a while to get back into the swing of things, but god damn did I forget how painful the process could me. I'm just hoping that attempting to get up so much earlier than I have been won't lead to the mental imbalance it usually does. May have to accept that I'm not a vampire (not yet) and therefore cannot stay up late and get up early without consequence.
It'll be worth it in the end I think. Mornings are so much more enjoyable when you're not late all the time. Until then I will attempt not to go on some kind of murder spree and will focus instead on replacing all the blood in my body with caffein.
In other news, check me out, posting more than twice in one year. I'm such a go getter.
In other other news, I really have nothing else to say. I just wanted to vent about how my head feels like lead and the tiredness is legitimately making me feel ill. WHY YOU DO DIS, BODY!? Just be chill, k.
Blah.
Love you like sleeping in on rainy days.
Sunday 4 January 2015
Thursday 1 January 2015
What up 2015?
It's been over a year since I posted to this site. That's a whole lot of time to have passed.
I read over some of my old posts and what can I say? Some things have changed a lot...Some things haven't changed at all.
How was 2014 for me? Overall it was great. There were some rough bits, but looking back I think 2014 was the happiest I've been for a very long time and thats a great feeling.
Today is my last day off before starting work again for 2015, and although sometimes I dislike parts of my job I am pretty pleased with it. They're obviously pleased with me because I was given a promotion and then a pay rise shortly after, which was nice. It's always nice to be appreciated for your efforts.
I've cut back on etsy orders significantly since getting a full time job, although I still do some here and there for my friends. It's far more enjoyable now I dont have to stress out about deadlines and shipping, and I've finally gotten to a point where I don't feel guilty spending my time on other things which has improved my mood greatly. I've been playing POE, and yesterday I bought the new COD game which is super weird because it feels like some sort of Halo/COD hybrid.
During last year I started to make some changes to my life that put a more prominent focus on improving myself and I'm happy with how those are going. I've been learning Spanish, which for a long time didn't seem to be improving at all, but in the last few months I have finally noticed an improvement there. I've also been doing archery, which I really enjoy. One of my goals for this year is to renew my efforts there, I got kind of lazy with it because I don't like going by myself. I'd really like to be competing by this time next year and getting my compound bow later this year should help with that considerably.
I've been singing more, doing scales and breathing exercises to help expand my range. I've been drawing more too, not just random stuff but actual practice pieces. At the moment I'm doing a facial features study and the progress I've made in just a week has blown me away.
As of next week I'll be attending the gym again. I joined up again a month or so ago but public holidays, time off, and family stuff meant I haven't really been a whole lot. I like the gym, the hardest part is dragging myself out of bed early enough to get there before work.
My other 2015 hobbies include violin, which I cant really claim to have achieved anything with yet and a couple of other new things that I'd like to get into. I'm pretty excited for the year ahead. For the first time in my life I am not adverse to practicing things and I look forward to seeing where this new mentality is going to take me.
As I mentioned, 2014 had some rough patches. My Nanna passed away late November which was tough, she was the only extended family I was really close with and she had been a big part of my life since the day I was born. I was devastated at the funeral, and it's surprising to me how often I catch myself thinking 'I should take a photo of this to show Nanna' or thinking I see her on the street. Weird little things that leave me feeling a little sad. Losing people is hard, but I know she's in a better place now. Her life was hard and she was in so much pain. I'm glad I had the time with her that I did though, to get to know her and love her.
Something I didn't expect though was that she would leave money to me in her will. I always anticipated that my mother and sister would be left something, they saw her nearly every day and helped her more than anyone else, but she surprised me by leaving me $15 000. More money than I've ever ever had in my life, and although I would trade that money for more time with her in a heartbeat, I'm so grateful for her kindness.
At this stage I'm planning to use 1 third of the money as the start of a home loan deposit, 1 third to book a trip to Europe (London, Paris and Rome) and the other third to buy a compound bow and a deep space telescope; two things I've wanted for a long time but that keep getting pushed down the list of 'things I actually need to buy'. She also left me her ruby earrings and a diamond and ruby necklace that I've barely taken off since.
So that was my 2014, and some of my plans for 2015. From here down it's just a letter to future me. I doubt anyone but I read these posts, and that suits me fine, but when you re read this, me, pay attention to the below-
Hey Angel,
2015 is a new start, and I want you to promise not to waste it. Looking back 10 years and at the time between then and now there were moments when I never thought I'd live to this day let alone be as happy as I am, that change is down to you. It's down to finding the things that make you happy and focusing on them. It's down to finding the things that make you sad and getting rid of them completely. It's down to the people you chose to spend time with, and the ways you chose to handle situations, and the perspective you chose to look at problems with. I love you and the person you are, and I love the potential and hope I feel when I look at the person you could become. Keep pushing your limits, don't dwell on your faults but instead make plans to change them, be strong and loving and bright. Don't let other people put you down, but more importantly don't put yourself down. Your mistakes are not failings, they are opportunities to learn. Try new things, go to new places, read all the books you can and watch all the movies you want to and learn from everything you experience. Take time for yourself, you don't have to be creating or learning every minute of every day. It's okay to relax sometimes, just don't lose sight of where you're going. Make good choices, and if for whatever reason you don't then be willing to apologise and fix them or stand by them. Have high expectations for yourself, but don't be ashamed if you can't quite reach them; the important thing is that you try. I love you, Angel. Other people love you. Make us all proud.
I read over some of my old posts and what can I say? Some things have changed a lot...Some things haven't changed at all.
How was 2014 for me? Overall it was great. There were some rough bits, but looking back I think 2014 was the happiest I've been for a very long time and thats a great feeling.
Today is my last day off before starting work again for 2015, and although sometimes I dislike parts of my job I am pretty pleased with it. They're obviously pleased with me because I was given a promotion and then a pay rise shortly after, which was nice. It's always nice to be appreciated for your efforts.
I've cut back on etsy orders significantly since getting a full time job, although I still do some here and there for my friends. It's far more enjoyable now I dont have to stress out about deadlines and shipping, and I've finally gotten to a point where I don't feel guilty spending my time on other things which has improved my mood greatly. I've been playing POE, and yesterday I bought the new COD game which is super weird because it feels like some sort of Halo/COD hybrid.
During last year I started to make some changes to my life that put a more prominent focus on improving myself and I'm happy with how those are going. I've been learning Spanish, which for a long time didn't seem to be improving at all, but in the last few months I have finally noticed an improvement there. I've also been doing archery, which I really enjoy. One of my goals for this year is to renew my efforts there, I got kind of lazy with it because I don't like going by myself. I'd really like to be competing by this time next year and getting my compound bow later this year should help with that considerably.
I've been singing more, doing scales and breathing exercises to help expand my range. I've been drawing more too, not just random stuff but actual practice pieces. At the moment I'm doing a facial features study and the progress I've made in just a week has blown me away.
As of next week I'll be attending the gym again. I joined up again a month or so ago but public holidays, time off, and family stuff meant I haven't really been a whole lot. I like the gym, the hardest part is dragging myself out of bed early enough to get there before work.
My other 2015 hobbies include violin, which I cant really claim to have achieved anything with yet and a couple of other new things that I'd like to get into. I'm pretty excited for the year ahead. For the first time in my life I am not adverse to practicing things and I look forward to seeing where this new mentality is going to take me.
As I mentioned, 2014 had some rough patches. My Nanna passed away late November which was tough, she was the only extended family I was really close with and she had been a big part of my life since the day I was born. I was devastated at the funeral, and it's surprising to me how often I catch myself thinking 'I should take a photo of this to show Nanna' or thinking I see her on the street. Weird little things that leave me feeling a little sad. Losing people is hard, but I know she's in a better place now. Her life was hard and she was in so much pain. I'm glad I had the time with her that I did though, to get to know her and love her.
Something I didn't expect though was that she would leave money to me in her will. I always anticipated that my mother and sister would be left something, they saw her nearly every day and helped her more than anyone else, but she surprised me by leaving me $15 000. More money than I've ever ever had in my life, and although I would trade that money for more time with her in a heartbeat, I'm so grateful for her kindness.
At this stage I'm planning to use 1 third of the money as the start of a home loan deposit, 1 third to book a trip to Europe (London, Paris and Rome) and the other third to buy a compound bow and a deep space telescope; two things I've wanted for a long time but that keep getting pushed down the list of 'things I actually need to buy'. She also left me her ruby earrings and a diamond and ruby necklace that I've barely taken off since.
So that was my 2014, and some of my plans for 2015. From here down it's just a letter to future me. I doubt anyone but I read these posts, and that suits me fine, but when you re read this, me, pay attention to the below-
Hey Angel,
2015 is a new start, and I want you to promise not to waste it. Looking back 10 years and at the time between then and now there were moments when I never thought I'd live to this day let alone be as happy as I am, that change is down to you. It's down to finding the things that make you happy and focusing on them. It's down to finding the things that make you sad and getting rid of them completely. It's down to the people you chose to spend time with, and the ways you chose to handle situations, and the perspective you chose to look at problems with. I love you and the person you are, and I love the potential and hope I feel when I look at the person you could become. Keep pushing your limits, don't dwell on your faults but instead make plans to change them, be strong and loving and bright. Don't let other people put you down, but more importantly don't put yourself down. Your mistakes are not failings, they are opportunities to learn. Try new things, go to new places, read all the books you can and watch all the movies you want to and learn from everything you experience. Take time for yourself, you don't have to be creating or learning every minute of every day. It's okay to relax sometimes, just don't lose sight of where you're going. Make good choices, and if for whatever reason you don't then be willing to apologise and fix them or stand by them. Have high expectations for yourself, but don't be ashamed if you can't quite reach them; the important thing is that you try. I love you, Angel. Other people love you. Make us all proud.
Sunday 10 March 2013
There was a little girl...
who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. And when she was good, she was very very good, but when she was bad she was horrid.
I think now, more than ever, I believe that's what I'm like in my friendships. When our friendship is in a good place I am the most fun, loyal and amazing person you could ever hope to meet. When its in a bad place even I don't want to be around me. I hate that it's like that, thankfully it doesn't happen particularly often.
I looked in the mirror this morning and thought to myself 'what the fuck are you even doing?' because even I can't understand my actions. I'm fighting so hard to keep something that I dont even want and in doing so I'm pushing away the one thing I do want. I thought I was smart enough to learn from my mistakes and yet here I am, still making them...at least I realised this time though. So join me, imaginary internet friends, lets recap and re evaluate and at the end of all this I'll tell you where I really stand. Who knows where that will be, I'm just writing whatever, I don't even know where this is going...exciting, right!?
1. At the end of the day, I'll get over it. Seriously, I know that above all else. I got over the others, I don't care who they sleep with or who they're dating, I hold no delusions about getting back together or some sneaky out of the blue happily ever after. I still love them, completely and utterly and forever, but its an uncomplicated 'these people are my friends and they are the world to me' kind of love. The kind of love that most of them are happy to return. This recent situation will end up like that too, I know it will I can feel it, so whats the point of prolonging the inevitable transition?
2. I dont even really care. Don't get me wrong, I like hooking up with people, but it's not even close to the top of my list of things that matter so why am I being such a little bitch about it? Take a look at yourself, me. You think this is the important part, but you know from first hand experience that it isnt. The important part was never the hooking up. The hooking up is just a side effect of the real value in all of this, and that value is the friendship. If I could slap myself I would, because somehow I decided that hooking up was the ultimate goal and it never was.
3. Living together wont define anything. I want to live together, I think it would be fun and I'd get to see an amazing friend a lot more frequently, but if we dont live together it's not the end of the world. I always do this, I get it in my head that one thing means another and so I fight it tooth and nail. A perfect example is when I got my new job, I was so sure that everything would fall apart but it didnt. It's almost exactly the same as it was before. Looking at it now I can see that I'm doing the same with moving in together. My brain decided that if we didnt move in together it meant we would never see each other, and maybe thats true, but more likely its not. Either way, its not something I can control, if it happens it happens, if not then it doesnt really matter.
4. Trust is really fucking hard. Having said that, I'm willing to take a leap of faith on anyone. Complete strangers, I will assume they're great people. I love the whole world. If I can do that, why can't I trust someone who has never given me a reason not to?
5. I don't see most of my friends every week. I hardly ever see clinton anymore, and that makes me sad and I miss him a lot, but I still count him as one of my best friends. I don't know why I made such a big deal out of that, I mean, I want to see my friends as much as possible, and Im always afraid of drifting apart, but its not the end of the world.
6. I deserve a happily ever after. It may not be now, or next month or next year, but I believe I am an amazing and caring person and eventually I'll find someone who sees that and doesnt want to let me go. How can I believe in soul mates and think theres no one for me. It doesnt make sense. Love is not the be all and end all of a happy life, I always talk about enjoying the now and trying to make the most of the moments we're in then I go and get all caught up in matters of the heart, which is a fraction of what life is about.
I dunno what else to talk about, theres a lot ive thought over in the last day or so, a lot i've questioned about myself and what im doing. It feels like my whole perspective has shifted and its kind of an exciting feeling. I know this is all words for now, it could all change in a moment like it has now, but I'll show myself through my actions that who I was last week is not at all who I am. I am happy and carefree and have amazing friends who love me. It's like a weight has been lifted from my chest and I actually feel like myself again.
Its good to be back
<3 mia.
I think now, more than ever, I believe that's what I'm like in my friendships. When our friendship is in a good place I am the most fun, loyal and amazing person you could ever hope to meet. When its in a bad place even I don't want to be around me. I hate that it's like that, thankfully it doesn't happen particularly often.
I looked in the mirror this morning and thought to myself 'what the fuck are you even doing?' because even I can't understand my actions. I'm fighting so hard to keep something that I dont even want and in doing so I'm pushing away the one thing I do want. I thought I was smart enough to learn from my mistakes and yet here I am, still making them...at least I realised this time though. So join me, imaginary internet friends, lets recap and re evaluate and at the end of all this I'll tell you where I really stand. Who knows where that will be, I'm just writing whatever, I don't even know where this is going...exciting, right!?
1. At the end of the day, I'll get over it. Seriously, I know that above all else. I got over the others, I don't care who they sleep with or who they're dating, I hold no delusions about getting back together or some sneaky out of the blue happily ever after. I still love them, completely and utterly and forever, but its an uncomplicated 'these people are my friends and they are the world to me' kind of love. The kind of love that most of them are happy to return. This recent situation will end up like that too, I know it will I can feel it, so whats the point of prolonging the inevitable transition?
2. I dont even really care. Don't get me wrong, I like hooking up with people, but it's not even close to the top of my list of things that matter so why am I being such a little bitch about it? Take a look at yourself, me. You think this is the important part, but you know from first hand experience that it isnt. The important part was never the hooking up. The hooking up is just a side effect of the real value in all of this, and that value is the friendship. If I could slap myself I would, because somehow I decided that hooking up was the ultimate goal and it never was.
3. Living together wont define anything. I want to live together, I think it would be fun and I'd get to see an amazing friend a lot more frequently, but if we dont live together it's not the end of the world. I always do this, I get it in my head that one thing means another and so I fight it tooth and nail. A perfect example is when I got my new job, I was so sure that everything would fall apart but it didnt. It's almost exactly the same as it was before. Looking at it now I can see that I'm doing the same with moving in together. My brain decided that if we didnt move in together it meant we would never see each other, and maybe thats true, but more likely its not. Either way, its not something I can control, if it happens it happens, if not then it doesnt really matter.
4. Trust is really fucking hard. Having said that, I'm willing to take a leap of faith on anyone. Complete strangers, I will assume they're great people. I love the whole world. If I can do that, why can't I trust someone who has never given me a reason not to?
5. I don't see most of my friends every week. I hardly ever see clinton anymore, and that makes me sad and I miss him a lot, but I still count him as one of my best friends. I don't know why I made such a big deal out of that, I mean, I want to see my friends as much as possible, and Im always afraid of drifting apart, but its not the end of the world.
6. I deserve a happily ever after. It may not be now, or next month or next year, but I believe I am an amazing and caring person and eventually I'll find someone who sees that and doesnt want to let me go. How can I believe in soul mates and think theres no one for me. It doesnt make sense. Love is not the be all and end all of a happy life, I always talk about enjoying the now and trying to make the most of the moments we're in then I go and get all caught up in matters of the heart, which is a fraction of what life is about.
I dunno what else to talk about, theres a lot ive thought over in the last day or so, a lot i've questioned about myself and what im doing. It feels like my whole perspective has shifted and its kind of an exciting feeling. I know this is all words for now, it could all change in a moment like it has now, but I'll show myself through my actions that who I was last week is not at all who I am. I am happy and carefree and have amazing friends who love me. It's like a weight has been lifted from my chest and I actually feel like myself again.
Its good to be back
<3 mia.
Friday 14 December 2012
Noms
Hello my little internets :) How are we today? Good? Good. How am I? Well I'm awesome! About to partake in a chicken sammich made lovingly by my sugar daddy <3 tasty tasty sammiches. Fairly sure I'm breaking some unwritten law by getting someone else to make me a sammich, what with how I am female and the urge to make people sammiches is in my blood. HOWEVER! I'll suppress the urge this one time and enjoy a sammich the way a man would.
We're watching American Beauty, which is an ok movie, a little weird but still good. I'm supposed to be painting but I can't entirely be bothered at this second. I finished the Dr. Who beach scenes though, so thats cool. Two more days and I'll know if I have a for realsies grown up job. It's actually surprising how much I want it. Like, I really REALLY want it, even though I'll have to get up early and I wont get to hang out with people so much. I'm gonna be a little devastated if I dont get it :/
This sammich has avocado on it and is still really nommy...starting to think I like avocado...what is the world coming to? lol I should go be productive now...
Bye bye internets!! <3
Love you like chicken
We're watching American Beauty, which is an ok movie, a little weird but still good. I'm supposed to be painting but I can't entirely be bothered at this second. I finished the Dr. Who beach scenes though, so thats cool. Two more days and I'll know if I have a for realsies grown up job. It's actually surprising how much I want it. Like, I really REALLY want it, even though I'll have to get up early and I wont get to hang out with people so much. I'm gonna be a little devastated if I dont get it :/
This sammich has avocado on it and is still really nommy...starting to think I like avocado...what is the world coming to? lol I should go be productive now...
Bye bye internets!! <3
Love you like chicken
Tuesday 11 December 2012
Well done, past me..
Dear past me,
Why are we still friends? Fo serious, you screw me over all the time. Is hind sight really that complicated to consider? Just...From now on, whenever you think to say or do anything I want you to take a moment and consider what present me will say about it. Here's a clue; I'll say you're retarded and shouldn't be allowed near people. Not too hard to remember? No, didn't think so. Lets try it now...
How did you go, me? Did you think about what future you would say about those heels? That's right, you go take them off now. You're going for an interview with an insurance company, not a strip club. Wear the cute black ones, far more appropriate. I know mum will criticise you no matter what you wear but red shoes is a bit much, keep the lipstick though, that shit looks so cash. lolol
Hi Internet! Sup with you this morning? mmhmm, oh i see! Wow, really? Thats great. So anyways, as you may have gathered I have an interview today which I am a little concerned about, although on the other hand whats the worst that can happen? Yeah, not a whole lot. I have an interview tomorrow, too! At the place where Skitlz works :D That would be so many fun! Ima go read over more Java stuff now, but I'd love for everyone to note the lesson of the day: Don't let me talk, like ever. And certainly don't link your personal blog to people that know you, especially when they are mentioned in it. Why? Because you know that shit is gonna be their new favorite joke, even if they wont say it to your face. Also, because it makes you look like a weirdo and ultra Ultra lame.
Why are we still friends? Fo serious, you screw me over all the time. Is hind sight really that complicated to consider? Just...From now on, whenever you think to say or do anything I want you to take a moment and consider what present me will say about it. Here's a clue; I'll say you're retarded and shouldn't be allowed near people. Not too hard to remember? No, didn't think so. Lets try it now...
How did you go, me? Did you think about what future you would say about those heels? That's right, you go take them off now. You're going for an interview with an insurance company, not a strip club. Wear the cute black ones, far more appropriate. I know mum will criticise you no matter what you wear but red shoes is a bit much, keep the lipstick though, that shit looks so cash. lolol
Hi Internet! Sup with you this morning? mmhmm, oh i see! Wow, really? Thats great. So anyways, as you may have gathered I have an interview today which I am a little concerned about, although on the other hand whats the worst that can happen? Yeah, not a whole lot. I have an interview tomorrow, too! At the place where Skitlz works :D That would be so many fun! Ima go read over more Java stuff now, but I'd love for everyone to note the lesson of the day: Don't let me talk, like ever. And certainly don't link your personal blog to people that know you, especially when they are mentioned in it. Why? Because you know that shit is gonna be their new favorite joke, even if they wont say it to your face. Also, because it makes you look like a weirdo and ultra Ultra lame.
I wish more people understood this reference so I could use it all the time.
I will now proceed to crawl under a rock and avoid people for the next day or two.
Love you like malteasers <3
Those people who...
Change Everything.
You're sitting there, chilling out thinking about how totally awesome you are and then Bam! This new person comes into your life and flips everything into some kind of Wonderland-esque playground of emotions.
Things you thought you were sure of about yourself are suddenly the things you question the most, and you're left looking at yourself through new eyes, wondering how you missed this completely different aspect of your personality.
Shall I elaborate? Yes, I suppose I shall. Recently I met someone who is hands down one of the nicest people I've ever come across. Now I've always thought I was a pretty cool person, I'm confident in the things I care about, I'm fairly talented, I try to always be nice. And then I met this person and I suddenly felt like my life had taken a drastically wrong turn somewhere, because I'm not nearly as awesome as I thought I was. You put him in the same room as me and I will suddenly become acutely aware of every mean or judgmental thing I say. In time to stop me from saying it? No. Of course not. Just in time for me to realise that I must come across as a total bitch to this person whose opinion I inexplicable care about.
As for talent? He's got me beat hands down. Thought you were a good singer did you Angel? Nope! Average at best, and worse than that if you compare yourself to him. His range is just...wow. Not to mention that guitar. What's worst though? He is so unbelievably humble. Nothing makes you feel plain quite like standing next to someone who is incredibly talented and doesn't even notice.
So I sit there, on his bed, watching his fingers dance along the neck of his guitar while he lazily sings along with perfect time and pitch. He smiles at me occasionally and I sit there transfixed, because I've never met someone who made me want to be a better person before.
Plus he can program...I swear, if it turns out he can draw too I'll quit being me then and there, he's clearly better qualified for the position :P
AND YET...
I don't think I mean that much to him. Maybe that's just old insecurities at work, because we talk almost every day. Although I used to talk to a couple of other people almost every day and I certainly didn't mean anything to them. I kind of get the feeling I annoy him a bit, or like maybe he talks to me all the time out of habit or something rather than any actual desire to do so. It's hard to know how guys feel about stuff :/
They pick on you all the time and you're just supposed to assume they actually care. Don't get me wrong, I like the playful mean-ness, but when it comes down to it there's only one guy I know REALLY cares about me, and that's because he always seems to know when to stop being a jerk and just say something unexpectedly nice.
I should get back to being productive now.
Love you like the beach during a storm
P.S- Hi Matt!! You're never allowed to sit on my blanket because you am a bad.
You're sitting there, chilling out thinking about how totally awesome you are and then Bam! This new person comes into your life and flips everything into some kind of Wonderland-esque playground of emotions.
Things you thought you were sure of about yourself are suddenly the things you question the most, and you're left looking at yourself through new eyes, wondering how you missed this completely different aspect of your personality.
Shall I elaborate? Yes, I suppose I shall. Recently I met someone who is hands down one of the nicest people I've ever come across. Now I've always thought I was a pretty cool person, I'm confident in the things I care about, I'm fairly talented, I try to always be nice. And then I met this person and I suddenly felt like my life had taken a drastically wrong turn somewhere, because I'm not nearly as awesome as I thought I was. You put him in the same room as me and I will suddenly become acutely aware of every mean or judgmental thing I say. In time to stop me from saying it? No. Of course not. Just in time for me to realise that I must come across as a total bitch to this person whose opinion I inexplicable care about.
As for talent? He's got me beat hands down. Thought you were a good singer did you Angel? Nope! Average at best, and worse than that if you compare yourself to him. His range is just...wow. Not to mention that guitar. What's worst though? He is so unbelievably humble. Nothing makes you feel plain quite like standing next to someone who is incredibly talented and doesn't even notice.
So I sit there, on his bed, watching his fingers dance along the neck of his guitar while he lazily sings along with perfect time and pitch. He smiles at me occasionally and I sit there transfixed, because I've never met someone who made me want to be a better person before.
Plus he can program...I swear, if it turns out he can draw too I'll quit being me then and there, he's clearly better qualified for the position :P
AND YET...
I don't think I mean that much to him. Maybe that's just old insecurities at work, because we talk almost every day. Although I used to talk to a couple of other people almost every day and I certainly didn't mean anything to them. I kind of get the feeling I annoy him a bit, or like maybe he talks to me all the time out of habit or something rather than any actual desire to do so. It's hard to know how guys feel about stuff :/
Above: Every guy who ever felt affection for anything other than bacon.
They pick on you all the time and you're just supposed to assume they actually care. Don't get me wrong, I like the playful mean-ness, but when it comes down to it there's only one guy I know REALLY cares about me, and that's because he always seems to know when to stop being a jerk and just say something unexpectedly nice.
I should get back to being productive now.
Love you like the beach during a storm
P.S- Hi Matt!! You're never allowed to sit on my blanket because you am a bad.
Thursday 6 December 2012
Silence is Golden
It's ok for people to feel sad sometimes. I don't think enough people realise that. Sometimes you just feel like sulking in a corner, or staying in bed all day, or having a good cry.
Britney gets it.
And thats ok! Sometimes its kinda nice to be sad, and I know I cant possibly be the only one to feel that way because there's such a huge section of hollywood that seems to cash in on peoples (mostly females) irrational need to make themselves cry like a baby - here's looking at you 'Bridge To Terabithia'
I just wish more people understood that sometimes when I'm upset, I just want to keep being upset for a little while. Most guys don't understand that, and my sister certainly doesnt, but the reality of it is that there is nothing anyone can do in those times to stop me being sad, I'll snap myself out of it eventually and all will be well.
In other news, oh dear god the last few days were stressful! SO MANY STRESS! It's eased up a little now that most of the Pokemon badges are out of the way and the Lulu accessories are shipped, but dear god I thought I was gonna lose it for a while there (lose it more than usual I mean :P). Luckily I now get a few hours of freedom and I'm going to see what looks like it will be an amazing movie, if it disappoints me I may stab something...in a totally not The Dark Knight Rises kind of way.
This guy Britta'd casual threats of mass murder in relation to cinemas for everyone.
What else is there to say? Umm I have a particularly strong dislike for most people today, I mean, it's always there in the back of my mind, the constant reminder that other people exist almost solely to irritate me and make me mad, but today its a little more prevalent than usual...which is fun...lol nah, people are ok I suppose...for now.
I get to drink on the weekend, still not sure if I will or not. Yeah, thats a filthy lie, even if I don't plan to drink other people will be and my mind will be all 'Just do it!!!' and then I will, I don't think I really want to stay there the night though. Infact I'm not sure I want to go at all, but I'd feel bad if I didn't, and I hate missing out on social gatherings. Who knows, maybe I'll be feeling more social by then.
Anyways, Ima go and read now. Wasn't it just Super fun to hear from me again, Internet? I know how you love our one sided chats :P
Till next time,
Love you like solitude.
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