You're sitting there, chilling out thinking about how totally awesome you are and then Bam! This new person comes into your life and flips everything into some kind of Wonderland-esque playground of emotions.
Things you thought you were sure of about yourself are suddenly the things you question the most, and you're left looking at yourself through new eyes, wondering how you missed this completely different aspect of your personality.
Shall I elaborate? Yes, I suppose I shall. Recently I met someone who is hands down one of the nicest people I've ever come across. Now I've always thought I was a pretty cool person, I'm confident in the things I care about, I'm fairly talented, I try to always be nice. And then I met this person and I suddenly felt like my life had taken a drastically wrong turn somewhere, because I'm not nearly as awesome as I thought I was. You put him in the same room as me and I will suddenly become acutely aware of every mean or judgmental thing I say. In time to stop me from saying it? No. Of course not. Just in time for me to realise that I must come across as a total bitch to this person whose opinion I inexplicable care about.
As for talent? He's got me beat hands down. Thought you were a good singer did you Angel? Nope! Average at best, and worse than that if you compare yourself to him. His range is just...wow. Not to mention that guitar. What's worst though? He is so unbelievably humble. Nothing makes you feel plain quite like standing next to someone who is incredibly talented and doesn't even notice.
So I sit there, on his bed, watching his fingers dance along the neck of his guitar while he lazily sings along with perfect time and pitch. He smiles at me occasionally and I sit there transfixed, because I've never met someone who made me want to be a better person before.
Plus he can program...I swear, if it turns out he can draw too I'll quit being me then and there, he's clearly better qualified for the position :P
AND YET...
I don't think I mean that much to him. Maybe that's just old insecurities at work, because we talk almost every day. Although I used to talk to a couple of other people almost every day and I certainly didn't mean anything to them. I kind of get the feeling I annoy him a bit, or like maybe he talks to me all the time out of habit or something rather than any actual desire to do so. It's hard to know how guys feel about stuff :/
Above: Every guy who ever felt affection for anything other than bacon.
They pick on you all the time and you're just supposed to assume they actually care. Don't get me wrong, I like the playful mean-ness, but when it comes down to it there's only one guy I know REALLY cares about me, and that's because he always seems to know when to stop being a jerk and just say something unexpectedly nice.
I should get back to being productive now.
Love you like the beach during a storm
P.S- Hi Matt!! You're never allowed to sit on my blanket because you am a bad.
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