I think...

I think I should really update this more, because I quite like writing out the nonsense that swirls around my head. I suppose it makes me feel meaningful, in a way...Like I'm leaving something behind, like someone could read these and maybe they would understand what I'm feeling because they feel it too, like maybe they might know them self better because they see them self reflected in my words, like maybe they might know me.

I think life is a bit of a jerk. I'm not complaining about my own life mind you, no, whatever my situation may be it's mine because of my own actions. It's not ideal at the moment but thats my own fault. I mean more the people around me, life is being a jerk to them and I don't think theres much I can do to help other than let them know that I realise they're struggling and I'm there if they need me.

I think guys are entirely too much effort. I find it amazing how completely one guy can get inside my head and mess it all up. Honestly, it's like I don't even know myself. I hate that feeling, I try very hard to avoid it, and as long as nothing goes wrong I can but as soon as something goes wrong my mental state has a break down, screams that it hates me, packs up its shit and holidays in the Bahamas leaving me to the mercy of a plethora of fears and insecurities until it deems itself ready to return.

I think that the other females in my life are amazing and deserve all the happiness in the world. Which is convenient since they all seem to have found it. I can't wait to meet Tiffys daughter Billie and Chloes daughter Bella, it actually really surprises me how much I love them already, I was so sure they were making mistakes having children so young, but as the time gets closer I'm starting to see that this is making them happy and maybe its not so bad after all. Candice and Rishy have wonderful guys who love them too and I'm so glad they found such amazing people to be with.

I think maybe I don't deserve to be happy like that, or maybe I'm just a bad person. I like trying to be better though, one day I will be happy with who I am :)

I think 'hooking up' is bad for people. If you like someone then go on a date with them, do it properly and treat them right. All too often people just 'hook up' and then one of them ends up feeling used. It isn't fair and people don't deserve to be treated like that. If you like someone enough to hook up then you should man up, accept your feelings, let go of the past and give them a real chance. I'm guilty of this too, but I'll try not to do it again.

I think you should always be honest with your emotions, don't hide from them or not tell people how you feel. You should really be honest with everything though, because trust is precious and people are a lot smarter than they are usually given credit for. Something as subtle as a strange pause in an otherwise normal conversation can be enough to put doubt into peoples heads, and lies make people feel horrible, so you shouldn't lie. Besides, the truth will always come out eventually.

I think my room is too messy, but when it's clean I can't find anything. I guess that's one of life's private jokes.

I think I should stop procrastinating now :P I'll try and update this thing more. Promise <3

Love you like foxes xx