Noms

Hello my little internets :) How are we today? Good? Good. How am I? Well I'm awesome! About to partake in a chicken sammich made lovingly by my sugar daddy <3 tasty tasty sammiches. Fairly sure I'm breaking some unwritten law by getting someone else to make me a sammich, what with how I am female and the urge to make people sammiches is in my blood. HOWEVER! I'll suppress the urge this one time and enjoy a sammich the way a man would.

We're watching American Beauty, which is an ok movie, a little weird but still good. I'm supposed to be painting but I can't entirely be bothered at this second. I finished the Dr. Who beach scenes though, so thats cool. Two more days and I'll know if I have a for realsies grown up job. It's actually surprising how much I want it. Like, I really REALLY want it, even though I'll have to get up early and I wont get to hang out with people so much. I'm gonna be a little devastated if I dont get it :/

This sammich has avocado on it and is still really nommy...starting to think I like avocado...what is the world coming to? lol I should go be productive now...

Bye bye internets!! <3
Love you like chicken

Well done, past me..

Dear past me,
Why are we still friends? Fo serious, you screw me over all the time. Is hind sight really that complicated to consider? Just...From now on, whenever you think to say or do anything I want you to take a moment and consider what present me will say about it. Here's a clue; I'll say you're retarded and shouldn't be allowed near people. Not too hard to remember? No, didn't think so. Lets try it now...

How did you go, me? Did you think about what future you would say about those heels? That's right, you go take them off now. You're going for an interview with an insurance company, not a strip club. Wear the cute black ones, far more appropriate. I know mum will criticise you no matter what you wear but red shoes is a bit much, keep the lipstick though, that shit looks so cash. lolol


Hi Internet! Sup with you this morning? mmhmm, oh i see! Wow, really? Thats great. So anyways, as you may have gathered I have an interview today which I am a little concerned about, although on the other hand whats the worst that can happen? Yeah, not a whole lot. I have an interview tomorrow, too! At the place where Skitlz works :D That would be so many fun! Ima go read over more Java stuff now, but I'd love for everyone to note the lesson of the day: Don't let me talk, like ever. And certainly don't link your personal blog to people that know you, especially when they are mentioned in it. Why? Because you know that shit is gonna be their new favorite joke, even if they wont say it to your face. Also, because it makes you look like a weirdo and ultra Ultra lame.

I wish more people understood this reference so I could use it all the time.

I will now proceed to crawl under a rock and avoid people for the next day or two.

Love you like malteasers <3

Those people who...

Change Everything.

You're sitting there, chilling out thinking about how totally awesome you are and then Bam! This new person comes into your life and flips everything into some kind of Wonderland-esque playground of emotions.
Things you thought you were sure of about yourself are suddenly the things you question the most, and you're left looking at yourself through new eyes, wondering how you missed this completely different aspect of your personality.

Shall I elaborate? Yes, I suppose I shall. Recently I met someone who is hands down one of the nicest people I've ever come across. Now I've always thought I was a pretty cool person, I'm confident in the things I care about, I'm fairly talented, I try to always be nice. And then I met this person and I suddenly felt like my life had taken a drastically wrong turn somewhere, because I'm not nearly as awesome as I thought I was. You put him in the same room as me and I will suddenly become acutely aware of every mean or judgmental thing I say. In time to stop me from saying it? No. Of course not. Just in time for me to realise that I must come across as a total bitch to this person whose opinion I inexplicable care about.

As for talent? He's got me beat hands down. Thought you were a good singer did you Angel? Nope! Average at best, and worse than that if you compare yourself to him. His range is just...wow. Not to mention that guitar. What's worst though? He is so unbelievably humble. Nothing makes you feel plain quite like standing next to someone who is incredibly talented and doesn't even notice.

So I sit there, on his bed, watching his fingers dance along the neck of his guitar while he lazily sings along with perfect time and pitch. He smiles at me occasionally and I sit there transfixed, because I've never met someone who made me want to be a better person before.

Plus he can program...I swear, if it turns out he can draw too I'll quit being me then and there, he's clearly better qualified for the position :P

AND YET...

I don't think I mean that much to him. Maybe that's just old insecurities at work, because we talk almost every day. Although I used to talk to a couple of other people almost every day and I certainly didn't mean anything to them. I kind of get the feeling I annoy him a bit, or like maybe he talks to me all the time out of habit or something rather than any actual desire to do so. It's hard to know how guys feel about stuff :/

Above: Every guy who ever felt affection for anything other than bacon.

They pick on you all the time and you're just supposed to assume they actually care. Don't get me wrong, I like the playful mean-ness, but when it comes down to it there's only one guy I know REALLY cares about me, and that's because he always seems to know when to stop being a jerk and just say something unexpectedly nice.

I should get back to being productive now.
Love you like the beach during a storm

P.S- Hi Matt!! You're never allowed to sit on my blanket because you am a bad.

Silence is Golden

It's ok for people to feel sad sometimes. I don't think enough people realise that. Sometimes you just feel like sulking in a corner, or staying in bed all day, or having a good cry.

Britney gets it.

 

And thats ok! Sometimes its kinda nice to be sad, and I know I cant possibly be the only one to feel that way because there's such a huge section of hollywood that seems to cash in on peoples (mostly females) irrational need to make themselves cry like a baby - here's looking at you 'Bridge To Terabithia'

I just wish more people understood that sometimes when I'm upset, I just want to keep being upset for a little while. Most guys don't understand that, and my sister certainly doesnt, but the reality of it is that there is nothing anyone can do in those times to stop me being sad, I'll snap myself out of it eventually and all will be well.

 

In other news, oh dear god the last few days were stressful! SO MANY STRESS! It's eased up a little now that most of the Pokemon badges are out of the way and the Lulu accessories are shipped, but dear god I thought I was gonna lose it for a while there (lose it more than usual I mean :P). Luckily I now get a few hours of freedom and I'm going to see what looks like it will be an amazing movie, if it disappoints me I may stab something...in a totally not The Dark Knight Rises kind of way.

 

 

This guy Britta'd casual threats of mass murder in relation to cinemas for everyone.

 

What else is there to say? Umm I have a particularly strong dislike for most people today, I mean, it's always there in the back of my mind, the constant reminder that other people exist almost solely to irritate me and make me mad, but today its a little more prevalent than usual...which is fun...lol nah, people are ok I suppose...for now.

 

I get to drink on the weekend, still not sure if I will or not. Yeah, thats a filthy lie, even if I don't plan to drink other people will be and my mind will be all 'Just do it!!!' and then I will, I don't think I really want to stay there the night though. Infact I'm not sure I want to go at all, but I'd feel bad if I didn't, and I hate missing out on social gatherings. Who knows, maybe I'll be feeling more social by then.

 

Anyways, Ima go and read now. Wasn't it just Super fun to hear from me again, Internet? I know how you love our one sided chats :P

 

Till next time,

Love you like solitude.





I think...

I think I should really update this more, because I quite like writing out the nonsense that swirls around my head. I suppose it makes me feel meaningful, in a way...Like I'm leaving something behind, like someone could read these and maybe they would understand what I'm feeling because they feel it too, like maybe they might know them self better because they see them self reflected in my words, like maybe they might know me.

I think life is a bit of a jerk. I'm not complaining about my own life mind you, no, whatever my situation may be it's mine because of my own actions. It's not ideal at the moment but thats my own fault. I mean more the people around me, life is being a jerk to them and I don't think theres much I can do to help other than let them know that I realise they're struggling and I'm there if they need me.

I think guys are entirely too much effort. I find it amazing how completely one guy can get inside my head and mess it all up. Honestly, it's like I don't even know myself. I hate that feeling, I try very hard to avoid it, and as long as nothing goes wrong I can but as soon as something goes wrong my mental state has a break down, screams that it hates me, packs up its shit and holidays in the Bahamas leaving me to the mercy of a plethora of fears and insecurities until it deems itself ready to return.

I think that the other females in my life are amazing and deserve all the happiness in the world. Which is convenient since they all seem to have found it. I can't wait to meet Tiffys daughter Billie and Chloes daughter Bella, it actually really surprises me how much I love them already, I was so sure they were making mistakes having children so young, but as the time gets closer I'm starting to see that this is making them happy and maybe its not so bad after all. Candice and Rishy have wonderful guys who love them too and I'm so glad they found such amazing people to be with.

I think maybe I don't deserve to be happy like that, or maybe I'm just a bad person. I like trying to be better though, one day I will be happy with who I am :)

I think 'hooking up' is bad for people. If you like someone then go on a date with them, do it properly and treat them right. All too often people just 'hook up' and then one of them ends up feeling used. It isn't fair and people don't deserve to be treated like that. If you like someone enough to hook up then you should man up, accept your feelings, let go of the past and give them a real chance. I'm guilty of this too, but I'll try not to do it again.

I think you should always be honest with your emotions, don't hide from them or not tell people how you feel. You should really be honest with everything though, because trust is precious and people are a lot smarter than they are usually given credit for. Something as subtle as a strange pause in an otherwise normal conversation can be enough to put doubt into peoples heads, and lies make people feel horrible, so you shouldn't lie. Besides, the truth will always come out eventually.

I think my room is too messy, but when it's clean I can't find anything. I guess that's one of life's private jokes.

I think I should stop procrastinating now :P I'll try and update this thing more. Promise <3

Love you like foxes xx